The constant worry of what others think of you.
Does it really warrant all the energy spent to try please everyone to get their approval? Focus on your own self-appraisal rather than the appraisal by others. If you have flaws you want to rectify, great, but all of us have characteristics that are relatively unchangeable. We’re like a rose bush: We’ll always have thorns, but these don’t render our flowers worthless.
While the rose bush metaphor is valid, it may not actually make you more self-accepting. So, play shrink with yourself: Why do you accept other people despite their shortcomings or imperfections, but refuse to accept yourself?
So, if you hate yourself for your errors, even if intentional ones, is there a baby-step or two you’d like to take toward redemption?
You see the world differently?
From an early age, most of us are constantly bombarded from all sides from social media, traditional media, your friends and family, or even coworkers who feel you should see the world the same way they do. Not everyone does, and that’s okay. It takes lots of different perspectives, ideas, and actions to make the world go round.
Having a different personality or view of the world can feel isolating because you may not feel that people understand you. And if you don’t feel understood, you won’t feel like you belong. A good way to counter this feeling is to find other people who see the world through similar eyes.
Communication is key!
The ability to clearly communicate what you think and how you feel goes a long way toward helping you feel accepted and welcome.
Are you articulating your innermost thoughts, desires, and passions in a clear, concise way to the people around you? If you have specific needs or wants, you have to express them clearly to a receptive audience.
Remember that a good communicator doesn’t only talk, they listen too! By listening and hearing what other people are saying with the intent to understand, this will open a whole new world for you.
Is it time for some changes?
Perhaps you not fitting in, some things are worth fixing:
- If you are very shy, perhaps have social anxiety, is it time to work on that or get help from a professional?
- Have you started paying a “toll” for your aggressiveness? Is it time to focus on dialing it back or addressing the root causes?
- Trying too hard to be what you not, so that you can fit in? Rather focus on being a good listener and on sharing your real-life experiences and honest feelings.
- Don’t like what you see in the mirror? Take action and do something about it, get serious about losing weight or getting fit. Doing more with your hair and makeup? Changing your wardrobe? Having a healthy strong self-confidence is key.
- Are you a procrastinator or be honest with yourself, just plain lazy? Perhaps it’s time to commit to working more and procrastinating less? Conversely, if you’ve been working too-long hours, is it time to cut back and having a more balanced life?
The world around us changes and sometimes we have to change our place in the world.
Friends and family members will not always be a consistent presence in your life. As time passes, people change, they will eventually need to travel down their own roads. Change is going to come whether we want it or not. We have no choice in the matter. What we can choose to do is embrace that change and move with it, allow ourselves to grow and evolve with life, instead of fighting against it.
The frustration of feeling stuck or stagnating can contribute to feeling isolated and lonely. This could be due to anything from a passionless relationship to a job that just doesn’t offer any degree of fulfillment. Sometimes, you just have to break out of that rut and mix things up a bit! Maybe it’s time for a career change, to pick up a new hobby, take a road trip, or even travel abroad – anything to break up the monotony a bit and get a breath of fresh air and new experiences.
If you don’t fit in; you were born to stand out!
In the end, despite accepting what we can, about ourselves and changing what we feel we should, we still may end up sometimes feeling like we just don’t fit in. Perhaps there’s a silver lining in that: We all are unique, none of us are just like anyone else. We’re special. And that, in itself, can feel good.
Not everyone is going to understand you or the way you want to live your life; and you may not understand theirs. Making an effort to bridge the gap in a way that does not compromise the most important parts of you, is a good way to find connections with other people.
You can have a good time with just about anyone if you are open and receptive to them. Remember, a smile is the universal language understood by anyone and laughter transcend any social barriers.
The good news is that there are a lot of people out there in the world who will bring a lot to your life, as you will to theirs. You don’t have to stay stuck in fitting in to, what you think other people want. You could be the person who makes your passions come alive. The Transformation coaching process can help you with this.
Remember, your purpose and values act as your compass. With clearly defined values you know what line you will not cross and what behavior you will not accept. Your purpose, on the other hand, is about how you plan to navigate your career, life and accomplishments using those values as a guide. The coaching process helps you identify and redefine your purpose and values.